Downloading AVG is my pretense for being up so late. Of course, I could have done the download earlier while I was washing dishes, talking to Kim and Katie, ironing my linen shirts, reading one of my papers to my mum (the one on Oedipus, Job, and the role of suffering in the human experience). But no, I would wait until it is past bedtime to begin the download. And now I must keep my computer awake until it finishes. The download is currently 68% complete, with 11 minutes to go. Now 71%...
Do you ever feel that you would like to clear the slate? Just get everything finished, all the loose ends of your life tied up neatly. Just like that? I do, but then when I'm anywhere close, a panic seizes me, and I think of what it would be to have nothing to do in the world. How boring it would be! How terrifying! I think I must learn to take joy in the little victories and accomplishments, while keeping my eyes ever on the next goal. This is challenging. It's so easy to rest on my laurels. And what does it get me? A closetful of unfinished sewing projects and a notebook of random notes. Nothing new to wear. No stories worth publishing. Yet, there is more to life than setting goals and meeting deadlines. It's a cliche, but it's still true that life is what happens when you're making other plans. And life is often more interesting than anything you could have dreamed up for yourself. So my question is, how do you find balance been planning and achieving and just enjoying life as it comes? How do you avoid feeling devastated when your map gets sucked out the window of your car and you decide to just see where the road will take you?
Driving in the Dalles
My download is complete, so now I'm off to sleep. Bonne nuit!