To Have Loved and Lost but Still Maintained a Friend

This all will sound rather cryptic to those not familiar with the particulars, but I divulge it anyway to give you some hint of the occupations of my heart these last few months. Forgive me.

As a writer, I am wont to take risks I know to be unwise. How ever can I write about life if I have not first lived? I took a gamble that I could be best friends with a man whom I deeply respected without losing my heart in the bargain, and I was wrong. So wrong. I loved, and I lost the bet. What is more, I nearly squandered the friendship in the process.

Some things in life will never match our ideal, but it is not to say that life can not be good. I'm trying to come to terms with that. Relinquishing my tattered hopes, I wonder: is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved, as Tennyson claimed? Certainly, I could have spared myself the agony, but I'd be bereft the experience. So while I have realized all along that my behavior has not been always wise or prudent, and I am sorry for any pain or confusion my actions have caused my friends, I have few lasting regrets. The heart is a resilient organ, and given time, mine will mend. The process has already begun, I know, because last night, I was weeping convulsively, and tonight, I'm able to reflect on all more rationally and make some meaning of what first seemed senseless madness.

Comments

I have always felt Tennyson was right, and lived accordingly... the heartaches have only made life richer.

Hugs to you, my friend...
You are so right Elizabeth ~ you followed your heart and loved. Better to have the experience. It will make you all the wiser as well. The hurt will fade and you will move on. Then one day, a wonderful friend will be your love and will not want to live without you! Wishing you healing and more love than you can imagine ~ xxoo, Dawn
llane said…
I want to hear all the details, Rebecca, but I agree, better to have loved. Remember my whole "love affair" with Grant way back in the day? Oh how miserable that was when I had to end it with the realization that we were not meant to be, but that relationship made me grow up in a way I had never before experienced. I honestly think you'll have a better perspective on STAYING in love with a spouse someday if you've been through a love lost. I know it hurts right now... and I don't want to sound condescending at all.... but believe me, it will pass. kisses!

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